Ack! You practically beta'd this fic for me! Thank-you, although you really didn't have to go that in depth. Still, I loved your comments ♥ *GLOMPS*
Concerning the baseball paragraph: I may have been to vague for my own good in that paragraph and/or implied to great a degree of intimacy between Wolfram and Yuuri that isn't really supported elsewhere, so I can see why that might feel a bit off. It's amazing how you managed to find every paragraph/sentence that I was a bit hesitant on leaving or rewriting ^^
I don’t really know if he’d actually throw fire into a group of his men: I was attempting to convey the feeling that Wolfram was confident enough in his troops ability to react quickly because he did use magic here. However, he also was protecting them slightly in the sense that he did give them a warning before throwing magic at them. I'll have to think about how I can reword this though. You've definitely made a good point here. *ponders*
On Gwendal's use of Yuuri's name or lack thereof: O.O I never noticed that... Man I need to rewatch this show >.< I've forgotten so much of it...
Heh. I'm so glad you liked this, and that it proved to read better after I let it sit overnight. Thank-you very much for your constructive criticism. ♥♥♥ You've definitely given me something to think about.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-07-16 02:16 am (UTC)Concerning the baseball paragraph: I may have been to vague for my own good in that paragraph and/or implied to great a degree of intimacy between Wolfram and Yuuri that isn't really supported elsewhere, so I can see why that might feel a bit off. It's amazing how you managed to find every paragraph/sentence that I was a bit hesitant on leaving or rewriting ^^
I don’t really know if he’d actually throw fire into a group of his men: I was attempting to convey the feeling that Wolfram was confident enough in his troops ability to react quickly because he did use magic here. However, he also was protecting them slightly in the sense that he did give them a warning before throwing magic at them. I'll have to think about how I can reword this though. You've definitely made a good point here. *ponders*
On Gwendal's use of Yuuri's name or lack thereof: O.O I never noticed that... Man I need to rewatch this show >.< I've forgotten so much of it...
Heh. I'm so glad you liked this, and that it proved to read better after I let it sit overnight. Thank-you very much for your constructive criticism. ♥♥♥ You've definitely given me something to think about.