Did he have to cheer so loudly? Again, this transition made me blink. It becomes clear shortly, but at the same time the transition is choppy. Perhaps something like Wolfram hearing cheering around him, but trying to focus on the duel, then getting distracted by Yuuri’s loud cheering and being irritated by it? Not sure though…
That slip of Gwendal's foot had been calculated from the beginning &hearts &hearts &hearts Gwendal, I love you!!! And I love this line! It’s so perfect for Gwen to do something like that. ^_^
He was rewarded with a smile twitch. "You barely lasted longer than that, Wolfram." *fangirl squeeing like whoa*
"You don't expect me to keep doing them forever, do you Yuuri?" More nitpicking, but…Gwendal hasn’t called Yuuri by his name once that I can recall. It’s always “Your Majesty,” probably out of spite. XP
If he just behaved, only a fourth of those documents would need to be signed personally. The rest was mere window dressing. *laughs* Love this!! It’s just so prefect to have Gwendal torture Yuuri unnecessarily! ^^
Overall, I like what you’ve done with the rivalry – slash – brotherly respect, as well as the troops and their mocking Wolfram (although fearfully XD) behind his back. The one thing I think really should be mentioned again is the maids and their bet, it was mentioned in the beginning and than not in the end, and I think it would have really added a great touch. Wonderful job, especially with the POV consistency (except that one teensy part).
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Date: 2007-07-15 11:19 pm (UTC)Again, this transition made me blink. It becomes clear shortly, but at the same time the transition is choppy. Perhaps something like Wolfram hearing cheering around him, but trying to focus on the duel, then getting distracted by Yuuri’s loud cheering and being irritated by it? Not sure though…
That slip of Gwendal's foot had been calculated from the beginning
&hearts &hearts &hearts Gwendal, I love you!!! And I love this line! It’s so perfect for Gwen to do something like that. ^_^
He was rewarded with a smile twitch. "You barely lasted longer than that, Wolfram."
*fangirl squeeing like whoa*
"You don't expect me to keep doing them forever, do you Yuuri?"
More nitpicking, but…Gwendal hasn’t called Yuuri by his name once that I can recall. It’s always “Your Majesty,” probably out of spite. XP
If he just behaved, only a fourth of those documents would need to be signed personally. The rest was mere window dressing.
*laughs* Love this!! It’s just so prefect to have Gwendal torture Yuuri unnecessarily! ^^
Overall, I like what you’ve done with the rivalry – slash – brotherly respect, as well as the troops and their mocking Wolfram (although fearfully XD) behind his back. The one thing I think really should be mentioned again is the maids and their bet, it was mentioned in the beginning and than not in the end, and I think it would have really added a great touch. Wonderful job, especially with the POV consistency (except that one teensy part).
As always, your writing is full of win! ^_^